Hello beautiful people, I, like so many people am experiencing grief on a deep level. Grief for the collective, ancestral grief, personal grief and grief for all of the life that has been lost in the name of “law and order”. The recent murder of George Floyd by Minneapolis police officers has sparked a flurry of emotions. Sadness, anger, fear, frustration and rage. If you have been paying attention, you know that there have been too many murders of unarmed black people in the recent history with no justice being served.
Watching the events of the last week unfold has been like taking a band aid of a bullet wound. Its so painful to be constantly reminded that our black bodies don’t matter. It brings up every time in my life that I have been treated like less than because of the color of my skin. It reminds me about every run-in that I have had with the police that made me feel unsafe. I remember being in a room full of white women, expressing how scared I was for my sons life after yet another black child was murdered and being looked at as if I was speaking different language. I thought that surely this room full of mothers would understand my angst. It turns out, I was speaking different language. A language they would never be able to understand.
I am not going to pretend that I have all of the answers but I know one thing for certain: hate and anger are not sustainable. My heart breaks that we are here, not again, but still. When you break down why we are so angry, it all stems from not being heard. Our cries ignored. Our fears dismissed. Our realities contorted.
My immediate feelings when seeing the world in such ‘dis-ease’ is: how can I help? What can I do? If I know anything, I know how to cope! I know that so many of us are experiencing so many emotions right now! What we are experiencing right now is traumatic and it is so important that we take care of ourselves! These are some of the practices that have helped me feel empowered.
KNOW THAT YOU ARE COMPLETELY ENTITLED TO YOUR FEELINGS- HONOR YOUR EXPERIENCE
Pretending to be okay when you’re not benefits no one. The real gift is showing up in your truth, giving people permission to do the same.
Jamila Reddy
I feel the best practices are the most obvious. The reason why it is so important to honor your experience is because there has been so much denial about what has been happening to black people for so long, we began to feel a little ‘crazy’ like, was what I experienced ‘real’. You see other folks going on about their business as if nothing has happened but you leave a situation feeling deeply wounded and are told to “just get over it” or “he didn’t mean it like that” or “you’re overreacting”. Seeing the injustice, witnessing violence and being silenced is traumatic! Please honor your feelings. Your experience matters. Your experience is important. Your feelings matter! It doesn’t matter the magnitude of the experience, big or small, they should all be honored.
SET BOUNDARIES
I love that there are so many non black people stepping up into the roll of allies but answering all of the questions and explaining the same thing repeatedly is exhausting. Set clear and firm boundaries with your energy. There are so many resources available that can answer many of the questions that are being asked. Know when it’s time to refer Google.
FEEL THE ANGER, DON’T LIVE THERE
“Anger … it’s a paralyzing emotion … you can’t get anything done. People sort of think it’s an interesting, passionate, and igniting feeling — I don’t think it’s any of that — it’s helpless … it’s absence of control — and I need all of my skills, all of the control, all of my powers … and anger doesn’t provide any of that — I have no use for it whatsoever.”
Toni Morrison
I am pissed off! I’m pissed off that we are here in 2020 and nothing has changed. Sure, we’ve been a little pacified but really, not much has changed. We can and should feel that anger. I believe its a huge part of getting through this bullshit. However, I believe that our true power resides in turning that anger into passion and using that passion to incite change.
MOVE YOUR BODY
Movement is a medicine for creating change in a person’s physical, emotional, and mental states.
Carol Welch
Speaking of productively using anger: move your body!!! Whether it be stretching, dancing, yoga or walking, get your body moving! We hold do much trauma, anger and anxiety in our bodies and we have to use it somehow! Making time to move your body will absolutely help with clarity of the mind!
LISTEN TO HEALING MUSIC
Although I have been a fan of India Arie since ‘Video’ her music is speaking to my soul right now. I highly recommend listening to calming, soulful music. Others on my list include: Jill Scott, Erykah Badu and Maxwell.
BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF
As my sufferings mounted I soon realized that there were two ways in which I could respond to my situation — either to react with bitterness or seek to transform the suffering into a creative force. I decided to follow the latter course.
Martin Luther King
Self care for me is honoring my mind, body and soul but treating with compassion! Now more than ever, please be kind to yourself. Speak lovingly towards yourself. Honor all of the feeling that you are feeling without judgement.
MEDITATION
A few simple tips for life: feet on the ground, head to the skies, heart open…quiet mind.
Rasheed Ogunlaru
Although I don’t meditate in a traditional sense, I will take time to focus on one thing. For example, I will go outside and sit on the grass and notice how the grass feels on my legs or listen in to a bird singing or focus on one beautiful flower. The key to the sort of meditative practice is mindfulness. This practice helps me stay grounded and in my body!
TAKE A MEDIA BREAK
Unlike simple stress, trauma changes your view of your life and yourself. It shatters your most basic assumptions about yourself and your world — “Life is good,” “I’m safe,” “People are kind,” “I can trust others,” “The future is likely to be good” — and replaces them with feelings like “The world is dangerous,” “I can’t win,” “I can’t trust other people,” or “There’s no hope.”
Mark Goulston MD,
This is definitely an obvious self care habit but now more than ever, we need to protect our energy. It is traumatic to see bodies that look like ours to be murdered and treated like they don’t matter. Please protect yourself and take the necessary social media breaks.
DO SOMETHING THAT BRINGS YOU JOY
Joy is the holy fire that keeps our purpose warm and our intelligence aglow.”
Helen Keller
I know all too well how it can feel to do something that brings you joy when there is so much uncertainty and pain in the world. You need to remember that pleasure is your birthright! You deserve to feel joy, to laugh, to feel peace.
NOURISH YOUR BODY
Every action I take on behalf of my wellness is an expression of gratitude for the gift of my existence.
Jamila Reddy
I heard this quote the other day “exquisite self care is the act of rebellion”. I got chills when I heard those word spoken because it put into perspective how important self care is. During these deeply traumatic and challenging times, it is so important to take care of your body well. Remember to stay hydrated and eat nourishing food! During these times I have found it the easiest to throw a bunch of fruits and vegetables in a blender and just have a nutritionally dense smoothie!
CONNECT WITH THOSE WHO VALIDATE AND UNDERSTAND YOUR FEELINGS
Share your ideas with people of like-mind and get motivated by their encouragements and experiences.”
Israelmore Ayivor,
The feeling that I am experiencing now is very similar to the grief I felt when my daughter died two years ago. I’m not okay and I feel it in my whole body. I am experiencing deep grief without pushing it away and it’s uncomfortable af. One thing I know for sure is that talking to people who validate and understand your feelings is crucial to healing. Hearing others stories and knowing that you are not alone is so important.
JOURNAL
Journaling is paying attention to the inside for the purpose of living well from the inside out.
Lee Wise
Whether or not you have someone to talk to, journaling is a great resource for getting some of the thoughts and feelings out of your body! The process can be extremely therapeutic. When I journal, I like to use the first part of journaling to get the unpleasant feelings out of my body. The second part of journaling is shifted to practicing gratitude, which always boots my mood.
REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE.
Keeping my heart pure has been my saving grace. I never let anyhing I have gone through corrupt my heart. Do not allow life to turn you into someone you are not. Instead, allow everything you experience to prove to yourself the type of person you really are.
Maryam Hasnaa
My heart feels extremely heavy about the way the media portrays black people. It has this way of dehumanizing us to the degree that we are not considered human so I know that it can be challenging to remember your magic.
Black people. I love you. I see you. Even if we don’t know each other, we KNOW each other. We understand. We get it. With a look, or a certain phrase, we just get it. I believe we are all born with this inner knowing of who we are. Then we start to get outside messages to make us doubt or light, our brilliance. You are light. You are love. You are loved. You are brilliant. You are ENOUGH! Remember that!
What I’m realizing more and more is that there are so many layers to pull back surrounding being black in America. During this past week, I have seen my fellow black brothers and sisters with so mush pain in their eyes and voices. When I set out to create content, I never thought to create content FOR other black people because that is just one piece of what makes me, me. I felt called to put something together specific to MY people because I see how much we are hurting.
My hope is that this list brings you some comfort. I love you.
RESOURCES:
The Safe Place – app geared toward black community
Melanin and Mental Health – podcasts, articles, therapist search
Therapy For Black Girls – Blog, podcast and community
National Mental Health Alliance– mental health resources
NATIONAL QUEER AND TRANS THERAPISTS OF COLOR NETWORK– geared toward queer and trans people of color
I will leave you with this beautiful quote by the lovely Haile Thomas:
In these dark times I want you to see THIS. We aren’t just black bodies dropping in the streets or “thugs” burning down buildings. Despite oppression, our essence STILL overflows with vibrant LIFE and LOVE and even the fight we are fighting now is rooted in our LOVE for life and desire to live life fully without unjust interference. There are scary times, but I love being black and wouldn’t trade my skin or culture for the world. It is essential to LOVE and appreciate each other while we are hear.
Haile Thomas
